Psalm 71

After I wrote my last entry at 4:30 this morning, I was gratefully able to sleep for a few hours. I woke up and opened the bible. And turned to Psalm 71. And once again, was blown away by how amazing the Lord is and how living and powerful His perfect Word truly is. This is His perfect response to me:

Psalm 71

In You, O LORD, I put my trust;
Let me never be put to shame.
² Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape;
Incline Your ear to me, and save me.
³ Be my strong refuge,
To which I may resort continually;
You have given the commandment to save me,
For You are my rock and my fortress.

⁴ Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked,
Out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.
⁵ For You are my hope, O Lord GOD;
You are my trust from my youth.
⁶ By You I have been upheld from birth;
You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.
My praise shall be continually of You.

⁷ I have become as a wonder to many,
But You are my strong refuge.
⁸ Let my mouth be filled with Your praise
And with Your glory all the day.

⁹ Do not cast me off in the time of old age;
Do not forsake me when my strength fails.
¹⁰ For my enemies speak against me;
And those who lie in wait for my life take counsel together,
¹¹ Saying, “God has forsaken him;
Pursue and take him, for there is none to deliver him.”

¹² O God, do not be far from me;
O my God, make haste to help me!
¹³ Let them be confounded and consumed
Who are adversaries of my life;
Let them be covered with reproach and dishonor
Who seek my hurt.

¹⁴ But I will hope continually,
And will praise You yet more and more.
¹⁵ My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness
And Your salvation all the day,
For I do not know their limits.
¹⁶ I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD;
I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only.

¹⁷ O God, You have taught me from my youth;
And to this day I declare Your wondrous works.
¹⁸ Now also when I am old and grayheaded,
O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come.

¹⁹ Also Your righteousness, O God, is very high,
You who have done great things;
O God, who is like You?
²⁰ You, who have shown me great and severe troubles,
Shall revive me again,
And bring me up again from the depths of the earth.
²¹ You shall increase my greatness,
And comfort me on every side.

²² Also with the lute I will praise You—
And Your faithfulness, O my God!
To You I will sing with the harp,
O Holy One of Israel.
²³ My lips shall greatly rejoice when I sing to You,
And my soul, which You have redeemed.
²⁴ My tongue also shall talk of Your righteousness all the day long;
For they are confounded,
For they are brought to shame
Who seek my hurt.

Testimony

This past Thursday evening I got to share my testimony to kick off the 10 week Beth Moore Breaking Free bible study we are beginning. I think there were about 20 wonderful women who showed up for our first night. As I looked around the room I saw a few faces I have known for the full ten years I've been at Athey. I saw some whom I had never met. I had two neighbors come. Our wonderful women's ministry leader. My very closest friend. Friends I have known for a few years and a couple I have gotten close to recently. The Lord chose each of the women who came. I do believe that. And I am pretty certain the fact that now every single one of those women know some of the most intimate and painful details of my life explains why I haven't slept much for the past two nights. This is one of my blog posts where I'm going to just be me. How am I feeling right now? At 4:30 in the morning after my second sleepless night? Hurt. It's really amazing how the enemy can work you over when you open yourself up like I did Thursday. Even after Judy's wonderful prayer that this would not happen. It's happening. I can tell you the day I shared my testimony, things were rough at home. My children were less than respectful numerous times. And I exhibited less than ideal parenting several times. I had envisioned some time alone with the Lord to prepare my heart and notes and my life these days rarely allows that unless it's in the middle of the night. So when my wonderful husband prayed with me and then took the boys out for the evening, I immediately did what I knew needed to be done. I grabbed a goldfish cracker and a communion cup of apple cider :) I had to make due with what was around the house at the time. So I poured my heart out and confessed how completely and totally sinful my heart is. How I fail at pretty much everything I do. How ridiculous it feels to have people call me amazing, incredible and inspiring lately. If they only knew they would see I am so very ill-equipped to help lead a bible study of any kind. How the more I study the Word and spend time with the Lord I realize just how very far away I am from who I hope to be. Often times one step forward, two steps back. And then I tearfully thanked the Lord for He knows all of me and adores me anyway. It's because I'm such a completely ill-equipped, literally uneducated girl who is all too painfully aware of all of her shortcomings that makes HIM so great. What HE does in my life has nothing at all to do with me. It has everything to do with Him. So I gratefully cried lots of tears and just asked Him to speak for me.
Sharing everything I did was a bit surreal. I can't even tell you everything I said in the course of an hour. I said a lot. I remember bits and pieces and that's about it. I looked around and saw lots of tears but I didn't shed any myself. When I was done I had a few wonderful conversations. I did not get to talk to many of the women who came. I didn't get to hug any of the ones that obviously were greatly effected somehow. When everyone left, we tucked the kiddos in bed and then I layed on the couch and fell asleep. The entire night in my clothes. I was too tired to even go to bed. It's amazing how draining it is to pour yourself out like that. Draining in a good way but still exhausting.

I have prayed whether or not to post my testimony in written form on my blog for the "public" to read. For now I am not comfortable in doing so. There are a few people who have asked me for a written copy and I am praying about that as well. It's literally like handing over my heart. And when you hand over your heart you have to use wisdom in who you hand it over to. Does that make sense?

For those of you that wanted to come on Thursday night and could not, and have since asked if I would be willing to share it with them, the answer is absolutely yes. I would be happy to meet with you and share it. Please don't misread my heart on this one. I am not hiding my testimony. I will gladly share it with any of you who asks.

I am so very much looking forward to what the Lord is going to do over the next 10 weeks. I know it's going to be huge. I am so very honored to get to be part of the great work He is going to do. I truly do love the Lord with all of my heart, my mind and my soul. And I love each of the amazing people He so graciously has placed in my life. Please know that I find each of you to be amazing, incredible and inspiring. I am so thankful for all of the encouragement you've given me and each of the prayers you've sent up for me. Some of you have given me a bit of a hard time for not shedding tears in sharing some of the greatest hurts in my life. If you want to see emotion from me, it's when I think about all The Lord has done in my life that brings me to tears. It's when I look at the faces of my amazing sons and incredible husband that I am often overwhelmed. When I consider for even a moment all the grace He has poured out upon me and mercy He shows me each and every day.... it's then I am never at a loss for tears.

My Husband's New Blog

My amazing husband of 11 years has a new blog. That I love. His idea came after the constant frustration of all the bad news that is out there. And all the news that is so inaccurately reported.
His blog is one central location for Athey Creek teachings and Ustreaming, worthy news, conservative political commentary and a host of other great resources. I'm truly married to the wisest and kindest man I have ever known. I am so very thankful for him!

John 13:20

I have grown a huge heart and a greater passion for children more now than ever. I think it's because 7 and a half years ago I became a mother. And then again 5 and a half years ago. And then a third time 14 months ago. I am convinced now more than ever that these three amazing boys I have been given are so much more about the Lord raising and molding me than the other way around. And because I adore these boys as much as I do, I desire for them to choose to be want to be with me at home. And because of that, I want our home to be the one on our street that draws the most of their friends.
Confession time. I haven't always been so great at this. In fact I used to be pretty terrible at this. Why? Because I love a nice, clean, quiet and clutter-free home. And with three boys and an entourage of neighbor boys comes mass destruction. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. But undeniable to anyone that has boys is the realization that they can be dirty, loud and simply gross at times :) And of course when you're the "it" house on the street, multiply the dirt, noise and over all boy grossness with each and every one that walks through your front door.

I also, somewhere along the way, turned into a mom on the street that out of a bit of fear and "protection" for my children, kept them relatively hidden at times from other kids on the street who say words or exhibit behaviors that aren't acceptable in our home and shut the door on the rest. Understandable and necessary in some ways. Obviously young children are impressionable and it's imperative to keep a watchful eye.

Recently as I've been praying for the Lord to give me eyes to see what's all around me, I am so very heart broken, challenged and encouraged at the same time. Let me explain. It's easy to see a kid exhibiting bad behavior and suddenly see the kid as the problem and tell your child to stay clear of said trouble maker. But is the kid the problem? Or is the kid simply acting out because their home life is a mess. Um, but I live in Sherwood. Mayberry USA, right? Isn't the population 50% Christian and the other 50% LDS?
I think our "Leave it To Beaver" image has caused people, including myself, to turn a blind eye to the evil that is going on all around us. Evil? Yes. Pure evil. Let's call it what it is.
"But Johnny's parents are still married. They have a beautiful home and lawn, their kids play sports... I don't see a problem." I urge you to ask the Lord to allow you to see more closely. There are so many sins that fly under the radar that can literally destroy a child. Do you realize that? And do you realize the enemy has quite a lot to gain in that process? Let's take families who glorify alcohol and it becomes an idol in their home. Families where the fathers are in their 40s yet act like they're still in a Frat, talk about their kegs, have poker and football parties and in doing so, indulge in a lot of alcohol consumption. And then during a friendly neighborhood block party, watch as their very children begin to be the ones mixing the drinks. Do you see a problem yet?

Let's look at sexual perversion, shall we? Families who allow their children to watch completely inappropriate television, listen to crude music, and quite frankly exhibit sexuality period to their own kiddos through their own serious sinful addictions.
"Oh, come on Laura.. lighten up. It's not that bad."
But what if we looked more closely and got a glimpse inside these homes?

If people are willing to flaunt their sin outside openly on the street for all of us to see, then what are they ashamed of enough to keep hidden?

What is hidden on the inside of the very homes these children live in? I fear even asking.

The world is getting darker and more evil by the day. As believers we are not to just turn a blind eye. Get so "busy" with our carpools, our jobs, our commitments, our after school this and that... And worse, stay in the safety of our own little Christian circles and forget how desperately the children right on our own street need us. How the children in our schools need us. How the children in our church need us. Not because they really need us, but because they need Jesus.
If you live in a neighborhood, you live in a mission field. And I've been convicted and reminded personally to take a look at what Jesus has to say about children in His Word.

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 18:5

How will children come to Jesus if their families don't know Him? It will be through someone willing to welcome them.

Most assuredly, I say to you, he who receives whomever I send receives Me; and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me.”
John 13:20

Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.
Matthew 18:5

Do we even know what an incredible honor it is to show a child a glimpse of Jesus' love? To welcome a boy who may mess up our homes a little with his dirty shoes? To take the time just to listen to him. To allow him into your home to play with your children? To give him an after school snack?

Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them. But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them. Mark 10:13-16

We have the incredible blessing of being able to touch the lives of children and bless them in the name of Jesus. If you are a teacher, you are put in an incredible position. If you are a children's ministry helper you have an amazing responsibility. If you are a parent, the Lord is entrusting us with the gift of raising His children. This does not mean doing everything right all the time. If anything, with each passing day I realize how much I fail my children all the time. If we could just switch our focus to Jesus and off of ourselves I know our kids would do so much better. Jesus is always our answer. His Word should be our instruction manual.
Let us not focus so much on which parenting method is "best," which choice in feeding, schooling and vaccinating is wisest. But what if we unplugged and pulled back a bit from distraction and busyness and put our focus on the Lord and purpose to spend the precious time we do have as families diving deeper into Him. Of course we will fail as moms and dads. But let's make it our priority to point our children straight to Jesus who never fails.

Then they also brought infants to Him that He might touch them; but when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them to Him and said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.

Luke 18:15-17

And then we come across this sobering verse:

Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin (offend), it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
Matthew 18:6

The word sin, or offend here, means thrown off course. In other words, Jesus says "if you cause one of these little ones to question Me or to be thrown off in their walk with Me, it would be better for you to drown."

Pretty intense warning.

Here is my concern honestly. Why as Christians are we suddenly pulling out of all the very places we are needed the most? Why are we practically hiding in our homes? Why are we only associating with people who seemingly have it altogether already? Of course it's more comfortable for us to keep hidden in our safe "believer-only" circles, to only allow our children to play with children who go to our same church and have the same standard of behavior. I have been there. But are we doing so because we're afraid of something? Afraid if our kids are exposed to the world at all they'll be ruined?

It's all about the foundation we lay down at home honestly. It's making sure our homes are firmly grounded in Jesus and rooted deeply in Him.

And if we do that, what should we as believers be afraid of?

It is in fact so evident that we are in the midst of a very real and very intense battle as the world keeps getting darker all around us. The bible verifies that in Ephesians...

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. - Ephesians 6:12

And I believe the enemy is seeking children more than ever in our country to destroy. Just look at sexuality in children these days. Look at alcohol and drug consumption in kids. It's nothing short of alarming and tragic.

So what do we do? As moms we are so afraid of doing the wrong thing out of a very real and intense love of our children. But do we as believers need to be in fear of our enemy at all ?

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
1 John 4:4

The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid? ...
Psalm 27:1

Then do we need to fear for our children? I love in Matthew 18:10 that we get to see that each of our children has a guardian angel. A guardian angel? Yep.

Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 18:10

How cool is that? Our children literally have heavenly protection with them at all times. And they have the greatest protector of all with them at all times, Jesus.

Does this mean we aren't on our knees constantly? Of course not. It means we are. Does this mean if I choose public, private or homeschooling I'm doing the wrong thing? No. What about the other decisions in parenting? Breast or bottle? Vaccines or not? Seek the Lord first in all of your parenting decisions ...

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.
Colossians 3:15

Let's be thankful for opportunities and options to shine our light before all men. Of course it won't look the same in every family. That's silly. But let us pray diligently for our children and the ones all around us. And let us pray for an opportunity to show them the love of Jesus. And let us be honored that we have been chosen to do so.

I personally am so thankful for the opportunity to evangelize in our neighborhood and local elementary school. I love watching my boys shine their bright lights before their teachers and classmates. We are so honored to get to be a part of that. To demonstrate even a small amount of Jesus' light to children especially, is a blessing too great to put into words.

Anchor of My Soul

So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls... Hebrews 6:18-19

A beautiful song extremely close to my heart.

Legacy

Some thoughts on "Legacy"
Written by: Nichole Nordeman

There are a couple of words in the English language, or more specifically in the Christian language that sort of make me squirm. They are words, usually spoken from the pulpit, that imply direct responsibility on my part, or even worse, expectation. They are not friendly, live and let live words like say.. fellowship. Fellowship is a nice word. It makes you want to go share a doughnut with someone in the foyer before Sunday School. That I can do. But the squirmy words are the ones like... discipleship. A word that begs the question, "How are you actively helping your brother or sister really grow in Christ?" Oh, and here's another one.. accountability. Ew. I just got a shiver when I typed it. Accountability is the kind of word that's right up in your face saying "WHERE IS THE PERSON IN YOUR LIFE WHO IS ASKING YOU REALLY HARD QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR CHOICES, YOUR MARRIAGE, AND YOUR THOUGHT LIFE?"

Pardon me for a moment while I head back to the foyer for another doughnut.

But the word that has always held the highest squirm factor for me is the word "legacy."

Only the topic of leaving a legacy can reduce my normal 5'8" frame to about 3 inches in a matter of seconds. The reason is obvious. "Legacy" conjures up larger than life people. Billy Graham. Mother Theresa. Martin Luther King. Heck, even Bill Clinton gets a library named after him. These are people whose names will be splashed across our history pages for years and years. Remembered for their achievements. Regarded for their service. Respected for their contributions, which were significant enough to warrant a great deal of attention even if that particular contribution was less than honorable... (ahem, see above Clinton reference).

The point is, when people talk about leaving a legacy it makes the rest of us average Joes and Sallys feel insignificant. It makes us want to look in the mirror and say, "Who cares?" Literally. Who? Who does care that you just made your son's sack lunch for the 145th consecutive school day in a row? He sure doesn't. Who cares that you took a second job to pay for your daughter's braces? Not her, obviously. Who even notices that you get to church an hour early to hand out bulletins and greet Sunday morning worshipers? The pastor has never even thanked you personally, and frankly an extra hour of sleep on Sunday morning would be real nice right about now, thank you very little. You know the routine. Nothing I do matters. No one notices my minor contributions to the lives of people around me, probably because they are just that...embarrassingly minor.

Here's my answer to the who cares question. Check out the life of Jesus. I'd reference a particular scripture here, but to be honest, if you randomly opened your Bible to any page within the four gospels you'd find the same thing: Jesus honoring those who were servants. Saving the coveted seat on his right for the most unlikely and probably unlovely dinner guest. Overcome with joy at one who washed his feet with her most rare and costly perfume. Overwhelmed at the selfless offer of a drink of water from a well on a hot and dry day. He tells stories about good Samaritans. He specifically calls twelve guys with pathetic lives, very few skills and a host of interpersonal issues to be his closest brothers and companions. And who inherits the kingdom in His Beatitudes? The meek. The merciful. The pure in heart. Find me one place in the New Testament where Jesus holds up the over-achievers and says to the crowd, "Strive for this! Acquire more wheat to store in your barns! Then build bigger barns! Be learned! Be refined! Be accomplished and revered by many!!"

Not once.

In fact, the people who fit that description can usually be seen in the background, slinking away with the rich, young ruler in Matthew 19.

That's the bottom line.

The world still screams, "Achievement!" And the Gospel yells right back, "Service!" Matthew 20:27 lays it out pretty clearly

"...whoever wishes to be great among you, must first be your servant..."

Still not convinced about leaving a legacy? Check out the checklist God leaves for Jesus in Micah 6:8. It's fairly simple.

"And what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God?"

My husband and I live in a loft in downtown Dallas. It's an eclectic area with luxury high rise buildings wedged right in next to houses that should have been condemned ages ago. There's an old school little barbershop that shares a storefront with a new agey/holistic health shop. It's sort of a picture of humanity... all of us stuck together in the same little space, regardless or whether we actually fit together or not. We love it. Right smack in the middle of our very contemporary and 30-something neighborhood is a very old, very beautiful, very large cemetery. I have to drive past it dozens of times a day. And I used to wonder...whose bones lie in that dirt? Some of the headstones are so old and weathered that the names and dates are gone forever, as are the people who used to visit them, most likely. What brave war General rests there? Which scientists? What highly regarded philosopher or respected professor or fiery politician is laid to rest there? And who continues to benefit, grow and bear fruit because of their inspiring earthly work? I used to wonder that.

Now instead, I find myself wondering.. whose mother? Whose Sunday school teacher? Whose little league coach? How many people were lowered into that dirt with the least amount of fanfare? Who among them couldn't even afford the most simple of headstones? Who did justice? Who loved kindness? Who walked humbly? And how did it feel when those same people stood before the creator, shoulder to shoulder with the Nobel Peace Prize winners and the Hall of Famers and heard those coveted words that we all hope and pray are on the tongue of our Maker upon our arrival at long last.

Well done.

Well done, lunch maker, bill payer, diaper changer, crossing guard.
Well done, piano teacher, hotel operator, plumber.

Well done, legacy leaver. You indeed were faithful.